I'm 50 years old! ...Now, I've become a member of the half-century club! The first thing that strikes me is: 50? now that's a sobering thought! If I'm lucky and God/Fate has it that I would reach 75, then, I've already lived 2/3 of my life so far... Only 1/3 remains. That may seem like a dark thought but I don't intend it to be that way ... The realization that one's time is limited is actually an invitation and a motivation to live life to the full, to live meaningfully and graciously whatever limited time is allotted to you ... to me.
Let me divide my life into periods of 25 years...
I've had one heck of a life so far. The first 1/3 (up to 25): I lived in two countries, my mother's and my father's (the Philippines and Japan). I sensed a religious calling very early on in life and pursued it actively. I uprooted myself from my native land and re-rooted myself in a new land that I came to consider my own as well after a few tough years of trying my best to also become truly Japanese. I went to college/university two times. I learned four modern languages: Tagalog, Ilongo, English, Japanese / one ancient one, Latin.
The second 1/3 of my life (25 up to now): I went to Rome to begin graduate studies in theology and biblical studies. I was able to visit and live (a stay of a month or more) in many different cities and countries: (visited: so many places in Europe, the middle East, North America, etc.) (lived: Rome, Perugia, Klagenfurt, Vienna, Jerusalem, Munich, Paris). I learned many languages both ancient and modern: Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, Italian, German, French, Spanish. I was ordained a priest, a goal I had pursued from the time I was 12 years old. I worked wholeheartedly and joyfully in the ministry, trying to help people and bring what I understood of God and grace into their lives. I fell in love but thought I should sacrifice "earthly love" for a greater cause.
I did my PhD studies in Berkeley, California, a great place. I was blessed with great professors and mentors to whom I owe a lot! I managed to finish the PhD program in a record 3 1/2 years. However, during this period, a great ("paradigm") shift happened in me, caused in part by my studies, knowledge of history, critical thinking and exposure to a great, wide world. I felt that the state I was in had become too "small" and too restrictive for me. That's why I decided to change my status radically. That hurt and disappointed a lot of people, including some very close family members and friends. I couldn't do otherwise. I had to follow my conscience or be condemned to live a life of deception. When I did make the tough decision to be true to my heart, I felt free to be who I had become. I got married with the love of my life. I got very surprisingly and unexpectedly hired by a great institution of learning and was accepted for who I was/am by a great academic department. My beloved and I had a daughter, the great joy of our lives. I wrote a book. I lost my dad ... The second 1/3 has been quite important and crucial...
I did my PhD studies in Berkeley, California, a great place. I was blessed with great professors and mentors to whom I owe a lot! I managed to finish the PhD program in a record 3 1/2 years. However, during this period, a great ("paradigm") shift happened in me, caused in part by my studies, knowledge of history, critical thinking and exposure to a great, wide world. I felt that the state I was in had become too "small" and too restrictive for me. That's why I decided to change my status radically. That hurt and disappointed a lot of people, including some very close family members and friends. I couldn't do otherwise. I had to follow my conscience or be condemned to live a life of deception. When I did make the tough decision to be true to my heart, I felt free to be who I had become. I got married with the love of my life. I got very surprisingly and unexpectedly hired by a great institution of learning and was accepted for who I was/am by a great academic department. My beloved and I had a daughter, the great joy of our lives. I wrote a book. I lost my dad ... The second 1/3 has been quite important and crucial...
Along the way, I've encountered and become friends with a lot of truly amazing people. I met a few terrible people as well, encounters from which I learned much.
What lies in the (presumably) last 1/3 of my life? At present .... I'm supposed to submit the manuscript of a second book this year that I'm 50. I've been invited to be a visiting professor back in Japan, an unexpected and happy development. I have a great relationship with my wife and daughter. I'm not sure what challenges lie ahead but I say today, "Bring them on!" I'll face them and hopefully make the most of what remains of my life. Today, I resolve ever more to live life to the fullest; I resolve anew to live mindfully each day, each step, and I will cherish, savour and relish every single thing in live - enjoy the good experiences, learn from the tough ones.
If I were a sports player, my career would have been long over. I've never forgotten an observation I heard from a friend back in Berkeley, Br. John Rasor. He said, the great thing about a career as an academic immersed in history, religion, and other areas ... a career as a theologian, a thinker ... In other words, what's exciting about this job and career that I have is that at 50, life has, in a sense, just begun. The academic's best years are still ahead of him or her because the best and most mature works of academics often come towards the 60s and even 70s when one has long experience, wide breadth of thought and much learning and critical thinking accrued through many years ... Hence, my best years as an academic might still lie 10 to 15 years from this point! How exciting!
Above all, I'm thankful, really thankful for the life I've had, most especially together with Del and Keitlyn Hajime, my family back in the Philippines, my family and friends all over the world! I can die anytime and be at peace ... although I really wish and pray that I would live to see Hajime grow into a fine, mature woman and I also fervently hope to grow old graciously with Del. I would still like to write a novel one day, that has been a constant dream since my boyhood. But nothing is guaranteed. I entrust it all to God, to whatever is allotted to me and I smile and try my best to live THE HERE AND NOW, every single moment as fully as possible.
These are my thoughts as I turn 50 ...
