Mindfulness and Elephants

(Jan Chozen Bays, Mindfulness on the Go, pp. 20 ff)

In the Buddhist tradition, the practice of mindfulness can be described using the analogy of elephants. In the Buddha's time, elephants were used in war. They had to be trained in order to follow orders and accomplish vital tasks in the midst of the din and confusion of the battle.

When an elephant is untrained or wild, it runs away; it attacks when scared. In short, it is of no use but can rather cause great damage.

The untrained mind is just like that: When confronted with problems and challenges, it might just run away, go numb, engage in disastrous behaviour or even attack others. It needs mindfulness training in order to remain calm in the midst of the different stress factors in life and in order to continue really life to the full every moment in life.

"Daddy, I want to be like you"

I've heard this line a few times from our 8-year-old in the past few months. She says she wants to earn a PhD, teach in a university, and be "like me." My standard response to that is: "You don't have to be like me, honey. You have to be yourself!"

Of course, even when I consider that this is just a phase of "daughter thinking daddy is a 'Superman'," it still touches and moves me at a very deep level. My wife has even told me that DD (dear daughter) idolizes me. That is very flattering.

As I look with much love at my eight-year old daughter, I see that she has indeed gotten many things from me up to this point. I'm immensely proud of that. I hope though that I'm not just trying to shape her into an image of myself - that would be idolatry. I hope I can really give her the freedom to discover who she really is and help her to grow into that person.

Still, what a joy to a father's heart when he feels his daughter is proud of him. I savour, cherish and treasure this!

"Savour", "Cherish", and "Treasure"

In our consumerism-driven culture, these three words "savour", "cherish", "treasure" seem to have little or no space in people's lifestyles. We are so accustomed to "consuming" something--be it a thing, an event, a person, an experience--and moving so thoughtlessly and unmindfully to "the next thing" that could titillate our consumeristic instincts with something like a new "high."

In an age or a lifestyle that had/has fewer "things" and fewer "stimulants," someone could in principle "savour," "cherish," and "treasure" each and every experience--both positive and negative--better, learn what needs to be learned and emerge from it a richer, more whole, more mature person.

This is why these three words could potentially be some of the most important keywords of a lifestyle that is necessary, especially today in our crazy consumeristic and frenetic world.

Worship Together with my Darling Daughter

Since D (my wife) started working at a nursing home, it happens often that only Hajime and I go to Sunday morning worship because D has a shift or has to rest from a shift. One of my favourite moments of this unique daughter and dad bonding is during the Eucharistic prayer when H. is seated beside me and she leans her head on my shoulders as we both follow the prayers on a shared prayer book. My heart is just filled with joy as I savour this special moment when both of us join the liturgy to worship God. Ahhh... such a sweet, precious experience. There is something so sacred and profound when you pray with an innocent little angel who worships God with such a pure, unsullied heart like this my little girl.

It will not always be like this. Life will become more complicated and challenging. Prayer will also become more grown up as she herself grows up. It may even become a "wrestling with God." But today, I pause and savour this pure moment when I can blissfully worship God and be thankful that this little girl is somehow imbibing the sense of the sacred and the profound which, I hope, she'll carry all her life.

I cherish and relish this experience!

Thoughts of a "Golden" Boy

I'm 50 years old! ...Now, I've become a member of the half-century club! The first thing that strikes me is: 50? now that's a sobering thought! If I'm lucky and God/Fate has it that I would reach 75, then, I've already lived 2/3 of my life so far... Only 1/3 remains. That may seem like a dark thought but I don't intend it to be that way ... The realization that one's time is limited is actually an invitation and a motivation to live life to the full, to live meaningfully and graciously whatever limited time is allotted to you ... to me. 

Let me divide my life into periods of 25 years...

I've had one heck of a life so far. The first 1/3 (up to 25): I lived in two countries, my mother's and my father's (the Philippines and Japan). I sensed a religious calling very early on in life and pursued it actively. I uprooted myself from my native land and re-rooted myself in a new land that I came to consider my own as well after a few tough years of trying my best to also become truly Japanese. I went to college/university two times. I learned four modern languages: Tagalog, Ilongo, English, Japanese / one ancient one, Latin.

The second 1/3 of my life (25 up to now): I went to Rome to begin graduate studies in theology and biblical studies. I was able to visit and live (a stay of a month or more) in many different cities and countries: (visited: so many places in Europe, the middle East,  North America, etc.) (lived: Rome, Perugia, Klagenfurt, Vienna, Jerusalem, Munich, Paris). I learned many languages both ancient and modern: Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, Italian, German, French, Spanish. I was ordained a priest, a goal I had pursued from the time I was 12 years old. I worked wholeheartedly and joyfully in the ministry, trying to help people and bring what I understood of God and grace into their lives. I fell in love but thought I should sacrifice "earthly love" for a greater cause.

I did my PhD studies in Berkeley, California, a great place. I was blessed with great professors and mentors to whom I owe a lot! I managed to finish the PhD program in a record 3 1/2 years. However, during this period, a great ("paradigm") shift happened in me, caused in part by my studies, knowledge of history, critical thinking and exposure to a great, wide world. I felt that the state I was in had become too "small" and too restrictive for me. That's why I decided to change my status radically. That hurt and disappointed a lot of people, including some very close family members and friends. I couldn't do otherwise. I had to follow my conscience or be condemned to live a life of deception. When I did make the tough decision to be true to my heart, I felt free to be who I had become. I got married with the love of my life. I got very surprisingly and unexpectedly hired by a great institution of learning and was accepted for who I was/am by a great academic department. My beloved and I had a daughter, the great joy of our lives. I wrote a book. I lost my dad ...  The second 1/3 has been quite important and crucial...

Along the way, I've encountered and become friends with a lot of truly amazing people. I met a few terrible people as well, encounters from which I learned much. 

What lies in the (presumably) last 1/3 of my life?   At present ....   I'm supposed to submit the manuscript of a second book this year that I'm 50. I've been invited to be a visiting professor back in Japan, an unexpected and happy development. I have a great relationship with my wife and daughter. I'm not sure what challenges lie ahead but I say today, "Bring them on!" I'll face them and hopefully make the most of what remains of my life. Today, I resolve ever more to live life to the fullest;  I resolve anew to live mindfully each day, each step, and I will cherish, savour and relish every single thing in live - enjoy the good experiences, learn from the tough ones. 

If I were a sports player, my career would have been long over. I've never forgotten an observation I heard from a friend back in Berkeley, Br. John Rasor. He said, the great thing about a career as an academic immersed in history, religion, and other areas ...  a career as a theologian, a thinker ... In other words, what's exciting about this job and career that I have is that at 50, life has, in a sense, just begun. The academic's best years are still ahead of him or her because the best and most mature works of academics often come towards the 60s and even 70s when one has long experience, wide breadth of thought and much learning and critical thinking accrued through many years ... Hence, my best years as an academic might still lie 10 to 15 years from this point! How exciting!

Above all, I'm thankful, really thankful for the life I've had, most especially together with Del and Keitlyn Hajime, my family back in the Philippines, my family and friends all over the world!  I can die anytime and be at peace ...  although I really wish and pray that I would live to see Hajime grow into a fine, mature woman and I also fervently hope to grow old graciously with Del. I would still like to write a novel one day, that has been a constant dream since my boyhood. But nothing is guaranteed. I entrust it all to God, to whatever is allotted to me and I smile and try my best to live THE HERE AND NOW, every single moment as fully as possible.

These are my thoughts as I turn 50 ...

2015 New Year Letter to Family and Friends

Wow, it's really been a while since I've last posted here. Life just gets fairly busy. I still try my best to be a regular "chronicler" of my life and our family's experiences because it is one of my spiritual disciplines that help me to be mindful of each and every moment in life and be grateful for them (as this blog's title suggests).

Here's my new year letter addressed to myself, first of all, our family, as well as ...

To all our family members, relatives, friends (particularly, those who for some reason we don’t communicate with that regularly),

From our family to you and your loved ones: we hope that you had a good holiday season and that the new year that has just begun be one filled with happiness and fruitfulness for each and every one of you!

  

  Let me share some highlights of the past year. 2014 was a year of significant changes for our family.

   In January, Del began her new job in earnest as a Personal Support Worker (PSW) at Henley Place, a nursing home near our place. She is employed there full-time with the afternoon and evening shift (from 2:30 to 10:30 pm). She usually comes home before 11 pm on work days. She has a regular schedule that involves working every other weekend. In her free time, Del maintains our household in the best condition. Hajime and I are really grateful for that! She enjoys cooking and keeping in touch with events in the Philippines through the Filipino Channel! 

   Keitlyn-Hajime turned 6 years old last June. She graduated from Senior Kindergarten at the end of June and started going to a new school in September, Louise Arbour School, a French Immersion Public School. In practice, that means that she is "immersed" in French at school 70% of the time with the remaining 30% in English. We decided to send her to French Immersion because French is Canada's other official language (with English of course) and a fluency in French still opens many doors for one in Canada. Hopefully, Hajime will become functional in both English and French during her school years and that she can be given more opportunities in life through that.  

   Happily, she likes her new school and has shown a skill in learning a new language. Maybe her early exposure to both Filipino/Tagalog and Japanese has helped her in this. One morning as soon she woke up she even told me, "I want to know many languages like daddy." Of course, daddy's heart was bursting with pride. She continues to be a stellar student, earning high praises from her teacher. Outside school, Hajime is quite a busy little girl, regularly engaged in activities such as piano lessons, swimming and skating. She did ballet up to June. She wants to take up Karate in the near future, saying, "I want to learn 'our' (Japan's) martial arts." In her play time, she enjoys drawing and making crafts. This year, I noticed that she is particularly into "Monster High" stuff (if you don’t know that, you don’t have a little girl). 

   As for me, on the work front, I continue to enjoy immensely my work of teaching and research at King's College-Western University. In addition to teaching my regular biblical studies and religious studies courses, this past year, I developed three new courses: (1) a course on 'Spiritual Quests and Popular Culture', where I focused primarily on the Harry Potter Saga and tried to show students how Harry Potter contains many Christian elements that still form the cultural stream of Western culture; (2) Religious Pluralism - This is a course I inherited from King's former principal, Phil Muller. We study the meaning and significance of having many and diverse religious traditions in the world and how we can understand each other better; (3) a new course entitled 'Spiritual but not Religious' - In this course, we studied the relation between religion and spirituality and how many people nowadays feel moved to look for a meaningful spirituality outside the boundaries of institutional religion.

   On the home front, Del's new routine means that, on most days, I am in-charge of Hajime during the crucial after school and bedtime hours. At first, I had doubts and felt tense about whether I could handle this on my own without Del. After all, for the first 6 years of Hajime's life, I was only the assistant to Del in caring for her. Now, after one year of doing this, I can say that I've really gained new skills and confidence in being able to take care of Hajime even though mommy isn't around. Of course, I'm so grateful that Del still prepares a wonderful dinner for us before she leaves for work and we just have to heat it up but on the odd occasion such as when Hajime can't eat what was prepared, I've reached the point where I can truly manage to prepare something for her! 

   More significantly, because Hajime and I spend so much time together now because of mommy's schedule, I've also noticed that the bond between her and me has really grown strong this past year. 6 years old is a fun age. Moreover, Hajime is a kid who is sensitive to her surroundings and wonderfully kind-hearted. She is still basically a very good kid who likes to do well at school and likes to be happy with her daddy and mommy. After one year of spending a lot of time with her in this new set-up, I find that I am really really enjoying this "parenting thing" more than ever although it is not an easy job. Doing things such as preparing her dinner or snack, helping her with homework, giving her a bath, reading her books in English and even French now, writing and drawing with her, just goofing around or snuggled up in front of the TV ... all these things have become such a part of who I am and, looking at myself now, I think I have grown significantly in the past year as a daddy. 

   Of course, when Del is off, we try to enjoy our time as a family at home or going out on short outings such as fruit-picking, maple-syrup observing, skating, skiing (even), and so forth. These are the happiest times for all of us.

   Another significant happening of course is that on July 31 of last year, we left our townhouse where we lived for 6 years and moved to a new detached house with 4 bedrooms not far from where we used to live. So far, we’ve found this new house a very nice place in a very nice neighbourhood. We are slowly turning it into a true home where each of us can find love and warmth, things that, we hope, we can extend to all who come to visit us.

   We pray and wish that this year, 2015, may also be a good year for our family as well as for all of you, in whatever circumstance you find yourselves!

Sincerely yours,

JKK

Cherish-Relish #9: Our Darling Daughter’s Act of Pure Love

St. Therese of Liseux, I recall, once said that "a single act of pure love is worth more than all other works put together."

Last Saturday afternoon, our little Hajime was engaged in a project she didn’t want us to see while she was doing it. After about an hour, she came to me, offered me a little gift, wrapped firmly with paper and tape with a matching card which read (in her own script), “Thank you Daddy for your hard work”.

She had actually prepared small gifts and cards for all the adults in our household (3)! When I asked her what the special occasion was for this gesture, she simply answered, “I just want to do it.”

Awesome … here you find our five-year-old daughter, investing an hour of her Saturday afternoon doing an act of pure love in the form of preparing something special and expressing what she feels in a small card for her beloved daddy and mommy - all that for the sheer joy of expressing gratitude and love. Words are not enough to describe the beauty of such an act, right? These things indeed are the "little nothings" which make life worth it. I cherish and relish it!