Do You Know How to Savour, Cherish, and Treasure? (Dear Khaj #05)

 

Dear Khaj,

No Phone Time

One of the things that impressed me from what you shared with us about your 'Leadership in Training' experience at Camp Huron this past summer (2023) was the fact that you profitted a lot from the camp requirement of not having your phone for most of the time you were there. I recall you reflecting that not being on your phone allowed you to do other wholesome and fun activities that you would not have otherwise done if you had the device with you.

Of course! All of us in today's "connected 24/7 society" really need to "fast" from our devices and from the internet. Yes, being constantly online, often jumping from one interesting update to another, has some advantages to it. For example, it makes us feel that we're "in the know" about the latest "trends" and about what's going on in the world. Having that knowledge--we think--will make us "cool." However, there is an increasing amount of data that shows the negative effects of being always online on all of us, especially on young people.

From Internet to "Inner-Net"

So, here's the thing I wanted to tell you: I recently came across an encouragement from a lifecoach who said that we really need to switch off the "internet" in order to dwell more on the "inner net." That really hit me! 

In connection with all that, I read a book on Buddhism years ago (Habito, Experiencing Buddhism, p. 62) and was struck by the following observation: Upon having his enlightenment experience, the Buddha relished his experience for 49 days! What impressed me was not so much the Buddha’s “enlightenment experience” itself but instead his attitude of “relishing” the experience!

Savour, then Cherish-Treasure

This is--what I sometimes call--the spirit of "savour, cherish, and treasure." We need this skill badly in today's world where we are constantly encouraged to "consume" not only things but even experiences, without deeply relishing (savouring) and cherishing/treasuring them. In our consumerism-driven culture, these three words "savour", "cherish", "treasure" seem to have, sadly, little or no place in people's lifestyles. Instead, we are continually pressured to check out the latest interesting and exciting trends, literally always "scrolling down" our social media feeds to check out something new without savouring anything! In short, we've acquired the vice of being so accustomed to "consuming" something--be it a thing, an event, a person, an experience--and moving thoughtlessly and unmindfully to the next interesting thing on our "feeds." 

In the past when people had fewer "things" and fewer "stimulants," a person could in principle better "savour," "cherish," and "treasure" each and every experience (both positive and negative), learn what needed to be learned from it, and emerge a richer, more whole, more mature person. 

This is why these three words could potentially be some of the most important keywords for a lifestyle that leads to inner peace and happiness, especially today in our crazy, consumeristic, and frenetic world. Let me describe briefly what I mean when I use these three words.

Savouring is the mindful attitude of slowly and intentionally experiencing, “tasting,” "relishing," and appreciating something--be it a thing like food, an experience such as a wonderful concert, a person, etc. In its most practical and concrete level, it is the mindful and grateful attitude we take toward food.

'Cherishing and Treasuring' can be taken as two words that convey an attitude that is the opposite of mindlessly consuming things, persons, and experiences. When we encounter someone, something, or an event that is meaningful, we [1] savour it, by being mindful of it at the moment of encounter. We don't stop there however. Afterwards, we also [2] cherish and treasure them/it. We put, better, enshrine the person, the thing, the event carefully in our heart like a treasure, so that we could retrieve the memory and make it remind us to be grateful. "Remember" is a verb that carries importance in the Bible, especially with regard to the great things God had done in the past. That would be the spirit of "cherish and treasure" that I mean here. 

Learn these skills! Plut them into practice! They are keys to being a truly happy person! And truly happy people can change the world!

-Daddy (originally written September 17, 2023)

Dear Khaj #04: Spirit-Nourishing - How to? OUR Practice

 

Dear Khaj,

As I said in my last post, there are many ways to do "meditation" (spirit-nourishing, mental prayer, mindfulness practice, centering, etc.). The important thing, as I said, is to do it regularly and treat it like "mind brushing."

What We Did

But let's go down memory lane a bit. In your earlier years when we regularly did our "home church" together, we would go through the following steps that I'll recount here to jog your memory. Remember: This could be a good process for a regular meditation/spirit-nourishing practice all your life! You could even teach it to others ...

Breathe

We would start with the BREATH. Focus on your breathing: your in-breath and out-breath. Breathing is the very foundation of our life as humans: If you stop breathing, you'll die! It is also the anchor that frees us from the endless thoughts that distrct our minds and connects us to the present moment (the "Now"). Importantly, it connects us immediately to our body. 

Gratefulness

From there, we would usually move to RECALLING (by the fact that we can still breath) that we've been given the GIFT OF LIFE. I always invited you to be grateful first and foremost for life. From there, we would move to consciously being GRATEFUL (to God/to the universe) for everything and everyone that come along with the gift of life: LOVE, Friendship, our family and extended clan, our friends, the beauty of nature, our beautiful experiences, the people who take care of us and help us when we're in need, etc. 

Listening to the Wisdom of Tradition

After that we would READ (or RECALL) or LISTEN to a piece from the wisdom-spiritual traditions we're part of. That usually meant something from our Christian or Buddhist traditions. You know my favourites: nuggets of wisdom from the Bible, from our church's YouTube channel, from Thich Nhat Hanh, and other sources. Of course, you don't have to be limited to those. You can find wisdom-spirituality practically everywhere! You'll have your own sources which--you'll know--nourish your spirit well. Make use of them!

Reflect (Meditate) and Pray

After we've read or listened to wisdom passages, we paused and took time to THINK and REFLECT on what we heard. And then we would PRAY: for ourselves, for our loved ones, for the world. 

The Main Point

"Just Do It" Regularly!

This is only one way (among many others) by which we can do spirit-nourishing. It means a lot to me because we used to do it regularly: you and I. I learned the basics of this back in that boarding school in my teens. I still follow pretty much the same structure during my regular quiet time now. Whenever you do this yourself or with others, recall that I'll always be there with you --- even though I may no longer be physically present in this world. 

The main point is that it is good to have a concrete practice (your "method") for spirit-nourishing that you will do regularly ... whether you feel like it or not! Only regular practice will make a difference. It's better to have just a few minutes but done regularly, than a long one but done only infrequently. Believe me: regular spirit-nourishing IS one of the most important keys to keep you at peace, grounded, and truly happy. It will change you for the better and help you to make the world a better place.

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Dear Khaj #02-- How I Learned Spirit-Nourishing: Making My Bed

Dear Khaj,

My "Hogwarts" School!

I wrote about the importance of spirit-nourishing last time. Let me share (in a series of posts) when and how I learned this in my life. I went to a boys-only boarding school just shy of my 13th birthday way back in the mid-1970s. I still recall my years there whenever I see or read our beloved Harry Potter stories: After all, Hogwarts is also a boarding school, although one that trained young wizards and witches in magic.

Ours was also a special school because it was for boys who were thinking of becoming members of a religious order in the future. A "religious order" is a group of people who form a community for a common mission. Interpreted positively after all these years, I'd say that it was a kind of school that trained us to be "spiritual warriors" in the future (not of the Warrior Nun type though lol!).  Perhaps because of that, we were subjected to a strictly regimented high school life: discipline, fixed timetables to cover all our waking hours, regular spiritual exercises, manual labour, music, sports ... the works! You may cringe even at the idea of such a high school life but I found out that when you got the hang of it, there were lots of positives as well. One of these was: I learned the value of self-discipline early on. And that has served me really well all throughout my life.

Some of the most valuable things I learned in life happened at the start of our daily routine. First off, we, teenagers, got woken up at 5 am (!) to a loud cry from the dormitory assistant saying: "Benedicamus Domino!" (Latin, Let us bless the Lord!). To that we also had to shout our response: "Deo Gratias!" (Thanks be to God!) . Lesson one: Start each day  on a positive note of gratefulness: I'm alive! It's a brand new day to live and contribute to the world. Thanks be to God!

We were then only given 15 minutes to make our bed, wash ourselves, get dressed and go down to the study hall by 5:15 am. Needless to say, latecomers were penalized in some way. 

I eventually became a pro at that morning routine. In time, I would  finish everything in just about 7~8 minutes  so that I could go down to the study hall early. There I would start the day with something that I have practiced all my life since then -- it is a kind of spirit-nourishing that is nowadays known as meditation. 

Let me share my reflections on two valuable things I learned doing that regimented morning routine all those years ago at the boarding school: (1) the importance of "making your bed" and (2) meditation. I'll tackle the first thing now and deal with the second thing in another note.

Make Your Bed!

Admiral William McRaven, who is a former US Navy Seal, said that you should always start the day with a task completed (yes, like making your bed!) because that will give you a sense of accomplishment and lead to other small and big accomplishments and victories throughout the day.

I learned that lesson well at boarding school: The first order of the day (at 5 am!) was making my bed. Moreover, before we left our desks at study hall later during the day, our desks had to be cleared of everything on its surface so that the study hall when not used would look clean and orderly. 

Zen Buddhism: It Starts with Proper "Form"

Later on when studying Zen Buddhism, I would come upon the fundamental Zen idea: 禅は形から（入る）Zen wa katachi kara hairu. Translated: "Zen starts with 'form'." That means, the first step in learning the spirit of true Zen Buddhism is to start by making your external form the proper one (for example, sitting properly). 

[TMP] The Main Point 

The Little Things that Count

So, you see, the body and the spirit or your outside and your inside are so intimately connected that order/disorder on the outside usually reflects order/disorder within! Translated to life, that Zen principle teaches us that the little things in life (such as making your bed, keeping your surroundings clean, doing household chores, maintaining proper hygiene, exercising, eating properly, etc.) all count in a crucial way to making you feel good and changing yourself and changing your life for the better. And when that happens, you'll be able to change the world as well!

Never forget these little things --- they make all the difference in life!

Dear Khaj #01: "Spirit-Nourishing"

 

Dear Khaj,

I'm starting this series of notes to you because I thought I should put down in writing the most valuable and helpful lessons of life that I'd like to pass on to the people dearest to my heart, the top two of whom are you and DDR. Hopefully, these lessons will also help many others. I will keep each note brief, no more than an easy 3~4 minute read. I hope that you will take time to more slowly ponder over and cherish the lessons though.

A Testament

Sometime ago I had an epiphany while observing MO., our dog. I read that the average lifespan of a dog is around 12 years. And then I thought about my present age and was thunderstruck at this: The time when I will continue to be most productive actually coincides with MO's lifespan. That's not too long, I felt keenly. This motivated me to start this project. Please read it as something like a testament from me to you so that when I'm no longer around, you can still continue to hear my voice. I hope to continue it regularly: I'll aim for at least one short note every week.

So, let me start!

Spirit-Nourishing

Some of the most treasured memories of my entire 50-some years of life (I would rate this category of experiences up there in the top three even!) are the moments when you and I spent doing together what we came to call "Spirit-Nourishing." We did that often in your younger days either by going to church or by doing some exercises here at home in order to--what we called--"nourish our spirits."

"Spirit"

First of all, I came to refer to our exercises as "spirit-nourishing." "Spirit" has many meanings but what I mean when I say "spirit nourishing" is: to nourish/to take care of the most important and deepest part of yourself--the part where you find life and energy; the part that gives you the drive to fulfill your purpose; the part that also holds love, joy, meaning, and peace. This most important part of yourself is also known as your core. It's what Thich Nhat Hanh-sensei (and the Buddha) refer to as "your true self/your true home." It's called by other names such as: mind, soul, centre, spirituality, etc.

Why You Need to Nourish Your Spirit

You have to take care of your "spirit" (your mind, your "true self", your core, your soul or whatever you want to call it) because it is the absolutely crucial key to living a life full of purpose and genuine happiness. If you neglect your spirit, you will slide into meaninglessness, depression, or what is often referred to nowadays as "mental-health issues."  Only when your spirit is healthy, flourishing, and vibrant can you make the world a better place. Instead, if your spirit is in a bad shape, you will make the world a worse place, not because you're bad (No one is!), but because your spirit is hurting. 

The Main Point [TMP]

Spirit-Nourishing is Like Water: We Need It to Live!

As I mentioned, "spirit" is deeply linked with "mind." A few days ago, I came upon words that struck me deeply. A meditation teacher said: "Our mind is the part of us that we use the most, but the one that we take the least care of!" That is just so true. The reason why so many of us have mental-health issues is because we think that taking care of our minds (what you and I call "spirit-nourishing") is not so important, just an "optional" activity. Well, it's not! It's like water: Just as we (the physical part of us) cannot survive without water, our spirit/mind (the part that is most used and most valuable) won't survive without spirit-nourishing.

***

Let's all resolve to take good care of our spirits (our minds) today and every single day! (More concrete things to come in later notes!)

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