Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Who's My Padawan? A Father's Day Reflection 2024

Very recently, someone we cared about, whom we had helped and guided, just turned their back on us and walked away: a heartbreaking experience.

Reflecting on this, I casually remarked in a family conversion, "Well, I guess even (the great teacher) Master Yoda's padawan (apprentice in Star Wars) became Count Dooku (the villain)." I meant (in ordinary language): Even the greatest teachers will have students who will turn against them and bring them sorrow.

Whereupon, the Haj (our 16-year-old daughter) came to me and gave me a hug with these sweet words, "They (this person) are not your padawan, Daddy."

Looking into her eyes, I knew what she was thinking so I voiced it out, "You're right. You're my padawan." And she just nodded contentedly.

It hit me afterwards. The Haj is already one of the persons that I admire and respect most because she's just an overall beautiful person in and out, tremendously gifted and diligent, and making such a positive contribution to the world. For her to consider herself "a padawan" (apprentice) of her good ol' dad is high honour and praise indeed for me. I have tears in my eyes as I type this. She has already surpassed me in many ways! But it is these little acts of love and affection from one's daughter that make life as a dad really, really worth living.

I will savour, cherish, and treasure my daughter and this thought of hers all my life. I feel so warm and thankful inside on this Father's Day. Such a joy to be this girl's dad! Love you to the moon and back, Haj!

---

Friday, May 31, 2024

Leaving Home and Starting Your Own Hero's Journey (Dear Khaj #06)

 

[Some parts adapted from Julius-Kei Kato, Reading the Bible in a Secular Age (2023), pp. 1-3]


The Hero's Journey

[Dear Khaj]  At this point (2024 May), you have told us several times that, when it's time for you to go to university, you don't want to stay here in this place, where you were born and raised. Mommy doesn't seem too happy with that but is resigned. For my part, I totally get it. What I say in response to your intention is, "You have to go on your hero's journey."

"Leaving home" is indeed the indispensable beginning of the so-called Hero's Journey. "Home" stands for a place where one is loved, cared for, and where all one's needs are met. I think you've been blessed with a happy and peaceful "home" since your birth. Mommy and I  are incredibly proud of that. However, there comes a time when you have to leave that cocoon of security and venture out into the wide, beautiful yet also at times dangerous world, spread your wings and fly out. Of course, we worry about how you'll do. That's the lot of being parents. But we hope for the best. 

Let me share with you here, one of the major "home leavings" that I've had in my life: the time when I left the land I was raised in (the Philippines) for the land of your lolo (ojīsama, grandfather)--Japan. This journey irrevocably changed my life. I hope you can learn something from it.

My Original Two Worlds: The Philippines & Japan

Let me begin with the theme of "ancestry." Ancestry has occupied me for practically my whole life. I was born in Manila, the capital of the Philippines, as the second son of a Japanese father from Kyoto, Japan (the ancient capital); and a mother from the Province of Iloilo in the Western Visayas region of Central Philippines. From the time I became aware of myself, my family, and my communities of affiliation, I was always struggling to define who I really was.

Although I was born and raised in the Philippines and continue to love my Inang Bayan (mother country) deeply, as a child, I was always labelled a “Hapòn” (a Japanese) because of how I looked and my dead giveaway last name—“Kato.” Despite growing up in the capital region (we called it "Metro Manila" then), I couldn’t speak Tagalog/Filipino straight at first (the language of the region as well as the national language) because my mom spoke to us in her own native language called Hiligaynon, the main language of the group of languages spoken in the central part of the Philippines referred to as Ilonggo. English was the common tongue that united my Japanese father and Filipino mother and, hence, we used a lot of English at home.

I distinctly remember that when my grandparents, granduncle (we called them ojī-chama and obā-chama in our family) and grandaunt visited us from Japan when I was around 9 or 10 years old, and spoke amongst themselves or with dad in Japanese, a language I wasn’t functional in as a child, I vowed to be able to speak with them one day in that language which I felt was a part of me that had not yet been awakened.

When I started to attend school and the teacher would do roll call at the beginning of the year, she would eventually pause when faced with my Japanese surname and ask me, “Are you Filipino?”. I remember that I would reply, “I’m Japanese” (meaning: I’m not only Filipino but also Japanese). There were times when I would sit in agony through social studies sessions on the Second World War as my classmates would glower at me when they learned of the various atrocities committed by—what some of them expressed as—my “brutal” Japanese ancestors during the war.

Experiences such as these left such an indelible mark on me that, at the end of my teens in the mid-1980s, I left my mother’s country, the Philippines, where I grew up, and moved to my father’s country, Japan. I did that for a number of reasons. At this point, I was a young member of a Catholic religious order already and I wanted to work as a missionary in Japan, with dreams of "winning Japan for Christ." Looking back at that dream, I'm embarassed at my naivete. But all of us can dream sometimes, especially when we're young, right? 

Another major reason though for the move was because I wanted to search for that part of my ancestry that I did not know very well—my Japanese roots.

Life in Japan

Those first years in Japan were tough ones. “Japanese who grew up abroad,” the so-called kikoku-shijo (帰国子女 literally, “kids returning to the homeland”) face a lot of difficulties when they enter a strictly regimented and very different Japanese society from wherever they came from. Besides, the h­āfu (the half-Japanese or mixed-race kids) had even tougher challenges as they were not well-regarded by many Japanese, given the general tendency to prefer a kind of “Japanese purity” at the time. And I belonged to both groups! Add to that the fact that learning not only to speak but also read and especially write the Japanese language as a grown-up is nothing short of a gargantuan task. But I was young, idealistic, and on a high stakes search for my Japanese roots. I just gritted my teeth and told myself that, against all those great odds, I would learn the culture and the language well enough to truly become Japanese, even if that were the very last thing I would do. The search for my ancestry and roots had a “do or die” importance for me at that point.

Feeling Whole by Knowing My Two Ancestries

After a few years in Japan, I started to feel that I was indeed becoming Japanese with the result that the people and culture that seemed so “other” to me once upon a time were becoming a true part of me. It was at this time that my dad, younger brother, and I had a chance to visit our ancestral tomb in the place where my dad’s family originally came from—Akita in Northern Japan. By this time, I could speak, read, and write Japanese with some fluency and conversing first with my dad and with my other relatives in their, or rather, our Japanese language jolted me with the realization that I had fulfilled my childhood vow to speak with my family in Japanese!

Moreover, listening to my uncle’s hypothesis about our ancestors possibly being samurai because of the location of the tomb was also an unforgettably moving experience. Let me tell you now: When things get rough in life as they will, remember: YOU ARE OF SAMURAI STOCK! You are descended from the famed, bold, and courageous samurai of old! 

Standing in front of our ancestral tomb in Akita—that concrete, material embodiment of our lineage—was a high point in my life. It gave me the shivers! I tangibly felt that I truly and experientially knew now what it meant to be deeply connected also to my Japanese roots and ancestry. Now, I was no longer limping on one foot knowing just one side of my roots (my mother’s); I was also tapped onto the other part of my ancestry, my father’s Japanese side. This experience finally made me feel whole. Then and there I realized that knowing one’s roots and ancestry, as many teachers have reminded us throughout history, is indeed one of the most essential and vital things in life.

Reflections

Of course, that was just the beginning--we can say--of my hero's journey. Actually, there have been many "departures" in my life to begin different adventures. But this "leaving home" that I described above was the one crucial event that changed my life. That's the one great home-leaving that has impacted me the most. I was certainly afraid and nervous at the beginning. But I gritted my teeth, firmed up my resolve, and just did it. And the rest, as they say, is history. I would not have become the person I am today if not for that departure. 

So, I understand why you have to leave. May your hero's journey be as exciting and fruitful as mine. And don't forget: you'll always have a home here with us to return to.

Wishing you all the best, 

Dad

---


Saturday, October 28, 2023

Do You Know How to Savour, Cherish, and Treasure? (Dear Khaj #05)

 

Dear Khaj,

No Phone Time

One of the things that impressed me from what you shared with us about your 'Leadership in Training' experience at Camp Huron this past summer (2023) was the fact that you profitted a lot from the camp requirement of not having your phone for most of the time you were there. I recall you reflecting that not being on your phone allowed you to do other wholesome and fun activities that you would not have otherwise done if you had the device with you.

Of course! All of us in today's "connected 24/7 society" really need to "fast" from our devices and from the internet. Yes, being constantly online, often jumping from one interesting update to another, has some advantages to it. For example, it makes us feel that we're "in the know" about the latest "trends" and about what's going on in the world. Having that knowledge--we think--will make us "cool." However, there is an increasing amount of data that shows the negative effects of being always online on all of us, especially on young people.

From Internet to "Inner-Net"

So, here's the thing I wanted to tell you: I recently came across an encouragement from a lifecoach who said that we really need to switch off the "internet" in order to dwell more on the "inner net." That really hit me! 

In connection with all that, I read a book on Buddhism years ago (Habito, Experiencing Buddhism, p. 62) and was struck by the following observation: Upon having his enlightenment experience, the Buddha relished his experience for 49 days! What impressed me was not so much the Buddha’s “enlightenment experience” itself but instead his attitude of “relishing” the experience!

Savour, then Cherish-Treasure

This is--what I sometimes call--the spirit of "savour, cherish, and treasure." We need this skill badly in today's world where we are constantly encouraged to "consume" not only things but even experiences, without deeply relishing (savouring) and cherishing/treasuring them. In our consumerism-driven culture, these three words "savour", "cherish", "treasure" seem to have, sadly, little or no place in people's lifestyles. Instead, we are continually pressured to check out the latest interesting and exciting trends, literally always "scrolling down" our social media feeds to check out something new without savouring anything! In short, we've acquired the vice of being so accustomed to "consuming" something--be it a thing, an event, a person, an experience--and moving thoughtlessly and unmindfully to the next interesting thing on our "feeds." 

In the past when people had fewer "things" and fewer "stimulants," a person could in principle better "savour," "cherish," and "treasure" each and every experience (both positive and negative), learn what needed to be learned from it, and emerge a richer, more whole, more mature person. 

This is why these three words could potentially be some of the most important keywords for a lifestyle that leads to inner peace and happiness, especially today in our crazy, consumeristic, and frenetic world. Let me describe briefly what I mean when I use these three words.

Savouring is the mindful attitude of slowly and intentionally experiencing, “tasting,” "relishing," and appreciating something--be it a thing like food, an experience such as a wonderful concert, a person, etc. In its most practical and concrete level, it is the mindful and grateful attitude we take toward food.

'Cherishing and Treasuring' can be taken as two words that convey an attitude that is the opposite of mindlessly consuming things, persons, and experiences. When we encounter someone, something, or an event that is meaningful, we [1] savour it, by being mindful of it at the moment of encounter. We don't stop there however. Afterwards, we also [2] cherish and treasure them/it. We put, better, enshrine the person, the thing, the event carefully in our heart like a treasure, so that we could retrieve the memory and make it remind us to be grateful. "Remember" is a verb that carries importance in the Bible, especially with regard to the great things God had done in the past. That would be the spirit of "cherish and treasure" that I mean here. 

Learn these skills! Plut them into practice! They are keys to being a truly happy person! And truly happy people can change the world!

-Daddy (originally written September 17, 2023)

Sunday, August 6, 2023

[5] Thich Nhat Hanh @ Google HQ: Pain & Suffering / Strong Emotions / Success / True Love

Mindfulness as a Foundation for Wellness: Part 5
Previous: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

SOURCE in the public domain HERE  

Here is the last part of the transcription of Thich Nhat Hanh’s talk at Google Headquarters in September 2011. This is what the great Zen teacher wanted most to convey to folks working at one of the world’s most dynamic and innovative tech companies. We can say, therefore, that it is Thich Nhat Hanh’s heartfelt message to us who live in a busy, hectic, and constantly changing world driven by the ubiquitous advanced technology that plays a crucial role in everything today. Special thanks to my research assistant Christine Atchison for helping me out in this project.


Dealing with pain and suffering / Generating happiness and joy, here and now

Practice (i.e., Buddhist practices) helps us to touch the conditions of happiness in the here and the now so that we can generate a feeling of joy at any moment we want. And that is not too difficult. If you go back to your body, if you bring your mind home to your body, and establish yourself in the here and the now, you will realize that conditions for your happiness are more than enough. And happiness is possible right in the here and the now. So, to generate a moment of joy is possible, to generate a moment of happiness is also possible for a practitioner no matter where and when. And the practice of mindfulness also helps us to recognize a painful feeling [or] a painful emotion when they manifest. [With regard to] a painful feeling, we have a tendency to try to run away from it. We want to cover it up by consumption.

If we listen to music, if we read magazines, if we eat—maybe it’s not because these things bring us a lot of happiness but because we don’t want to get in touch with the suffering; we want to cover it up with consumption. Obesity is an outcome of that. You have a feeling of loneliness, despair, anger, worries in you and you don’t know how to handle those … and that’s why you want to forget; [you want] to run away, and one of the ways is to just consume—some music, magazines, food … [These things] are there in order to help you to cover up your suffering. You do not solve your problem [though]. But the practice consists in going home and taking good care of that pain. Breathing in, I am aware of the painful feeling in me. There is the energy of pain of course, but, as a practitioner, you generate the energy of mindfulness and concentration. And with the second energy you recognize the first energy. [You can say:] Hello there my little pain! I know you are there. I will take good care of you. So, like a mother holding her baby when the baby suffers, the practitioner generates the energy of mindfulness and concentration and go[es] home and take[s] care of the painful feeling, of the painful emotion in him or in her and get[s] that relief. (1:16:44).

On Weathering Strong Emotions

[There are] so many young people who are not capable of handling a strong emotion, and they believe that the only way to stop suffering is to go kill themselves. That is why so many young people commit suicide everywhere. But we know very well that an emotion whether it is strong [or] however strong it is, is only an emotion. … and we are much more than an emotion. An emotion is something that comes and stay[s] for some time and finally goes [away]. Why do we have to die because of just one emotion? That is what you can remind yourself when an emotion manifests in you.

And if you know the practice of mindful breathing/mindful walking, generating the energy of mindfulness, you can very well recognize and embrace that emotion and you are safe. An emotion is like a storm coming and there are ways in order to stand and not to allow the storm to blow you away. The practice of deep breathing in a position of sitting or lying down focuses your attention on the rise and fall of your abdomen, and just that. Stop all your thinking, because the more you think the stronger the emotion can become. Stop the thinking! Bring your mind down to the level of your navel, breathe in deeply, and become aware of the rise and fall of your abdomen. Stay in that position and continue. [If you do those exercises,] your emotion cannot, will not be able to do anything to you. And after five minutes, ten minutes, or even half an hour, the emotion will go [away] and you will survive it. The next time it comes, you will [do] just that. It’s easy enough. You should train yourselves only a few times. And everyday if you know how to do it, try a few minutes. And then after a few weeks it will become a habit. And when that emotion manifests you will remember to practice and you are no longer afraid of an emotion (1:19:44).

Saturday, May 27, 2023

[4] Thich Nhat Hanh @ Google HQ: Mindful Practices During the Day / Store-Consciousness / "Not Thinking"

 Mindfulness as a Foundation for Wellness: Part 4

Click for Part 1 / Click for Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5


Source in the public domain of this video is HERE

Here is the continuation of the transcription of Thich Nhat Hanh’s talk at Google Headquarters of September 2011. This is what the great Zen teacher wanted most to convey to folks working at one of the world’s most dynamic and innovative tech companies. We can say, therefore, that it is Thich Nhat Hanh’s heartfelt message to us who live in a busy, hectic, and constantly changing world driven by the ubiquitous advanced technology that plays a crucial role in everything today. Special thanks to my research assistant Christine Atchison for helping me out in this

How to incorporate short mindful moments into your daily routine

Eating [47:30]

When you eat your breakfast, you have a chance to practice [the] mindfulness [of] eating. You don’t have to think about your projects, your work. Every moment of breakfast is an opportunity for us to get in touch with the wonders of life. Today we will have a chance to share a meal together in mindfulness. Holding a piece of bread, you might like to stop your thinking and look deeply into the piece of bread.

Mindfully, you breath in and might get in touch with the fact that the piece of bread that you are holding contains the whole universe. There is the sunshine that helped the wheat to grow; there is the cloud that provided rain for the wheat to grow; the earth is in there—time, space, and everything in the cosmos has come together in order to produce that piece of bread. And that insight you can get in just a few seconds of looking mindfully at that piece of bread.

If you keep thinking about the past, or the future, or your projects, you miss the bread. You miss the Kingdom of God that the bread is bringing to you. And when you put the piece of bread you might like to enjoy just chewing the bread—getting in touch with the wonders of life instead of chewing your projects, your worries, your fear. You stop all your thinking. You just enjoy eating your breakfast. And that is practice. You don’t need to set aside time for practicing.  [49:54]

Taking a Shower, Brushing Our Teeth

When you take a shower, that is time for practic[ing] mindfulness. You might enjoy your mindful breathing and become aware of the water, of your body, and you can create joy and happiness while taking a shower. The essential [thing] is to stop thinking. The thinking will carry you away and [will not] allow you to live that moment of life.

René Descartes said ‘I think therefore I am’. I’m not very sure of that because if you think so much you will go around your thinking. Your thinking might not be productive at all. It will carry you to many realms and make you worry more and angrier and so on. So, if you are carried away by your thinking, you are not there. That’s why: [perhaps it’s better to say] I think therefore I am not there. It’s better to stop the thinking in order to be there.

When we brush our teeth, we might choose to brush our teeth in such a way that makes freedom and joy and happiness possible during the time of brushing our teeth. It may take two minutes or three minutes. The essential is to stop your thinking, even if you have a lot of things to do. Stop your thinking and enjoy brushing your teeth. When I brush my teeth, I usually touch on the fact that I am over 80 and still have some teeth to brush and it is enough to make me happy.

Brush your teeth in such a way that freedom is possible. Joy and happiness are possible during the time of toothbrush. That is a challenge and I know you can do it. Do not think about your work, your projects. Just enjoy being there and brushing your teeth. That moment  … you can live it deeply also because you can always touch the wonders of life, the Kingdom of God in the here and the now.

We used to distinguish between time for work and free time. Buddha has changed our way of thinking. Suppose you have free time, some free time. And if you do not know how to make use of your free time your time is not really free. If you keep thinking and worrying, that time does not make you happy. That time is not for working, of course, but you continue to think about it; you continue to worry about it. And that thinking is not productive. (54:13).

Sunday, February 12, 2023

Dear Khaj #04: Spirit-Nourishing - How to? OUR Practice

 

Dear Khaj,

As I said in my last post, there are many ways to do "meditation" (spirit-nourishing, mental prayer, mindfulness practice, centering, etc.). The important thing, as I said, is to do it regularly and treat it like "mind brushing."

What We Did

But let's go down memory lane a bit. In your earlier years when we regularly did our "home church" together, we would go through the following steps that I'll recount here to jog your memory. Remember: This could be a good process for a regular meditation/spirit-nourishing practice all your life! You could even teach it to others ...

Breathe

We would start with the BREATH. Focus on your breathing: your in-breath and out-breath. Breathing is the very foundation of our life as humans: If you stop breathing, you'll die! It is also the anchor that frees us from the endless thoughts that distrct our minds and connects us to the present moment (the "Now"). Importantly, it connects us immediately to our body. 

Gratefulness

From there, we would usually move to RECALLING (by the fact that we can still breath) that we've been given the GIFT OF LIFE. I always invited you to be grateful first and foremost for life. From there, we would move to consciously being GRATEFUL (to God/to the universe) for everything and everyone that come along with the gift of life: LOVE, Friendship, our family and extended clan, our friends, the beauty of nature, our beautiful experiences, the people who take care of us and help us when we're in need, etc. 

Listening to the Wisdom of Tradition

After that we would READ (or RECALL) or LISTEN to a piece from the wisdom-spiritual traditions we're part of. That usually meant something from our Christian or Buddhist traditions. You know my favourites: nuggets of wisdom from the Bible, from our church's YouTube channel, from Thich Nhat Hanh, and other sources. Of course, you don't have to be limited to those. You can find wisdom-spirituality practically everywhere! You'll have your own sources which--you'll know--nourish your spirit well. Make use of them!

Reflect (Meditate) and Pray

After we've read or listened to wisdom passages, we paused and took time to THINK and REFLECT on what we heard. And then we would PRAY: for ourselves, for our loved ones, for the world. 

The Main Point

"Just Do It" Regularly!

This is only one way (among many others) by which we can do spirit-nourishing. It means a lot to me because we used to do it regularly: you and I. I learned the basics of this back in that boarding school in my teens. I still follow pretty much the same structure during my regular quiet time now. Whenever you do this yourself or with others, recall that I'll always be there with you --- even though I may no longer be physically present in this world. 

The main point is that it is good to have a concrete practice (your "method") for spirit-nourishing that you will do regularly ... whether you feel like it or not! Only regular practice will make a difference. It's better to have just a few minutes but done regularly, than a long one but done only infrequently. Believe me: regular spirit-nourishing IS one of the most important keys to keep you at peace, grounded, and truly happy. It will change you for the better and help you to make the world a better place.

---

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Dear Khaj #03: Meditation - "Brushing Your Mind"

Dear Khaj,

I'll just pick up from my last post where I was telling you that one of the first things I learned in those early mornings at the boarding school was "how to fix my bed" (that is, accomplishing something little at the beginning of the day). That prepped me to have a good and productive day. 

What I did at 5:15 am at the Study Hall

After that, it was down to the study hall by 5:15 am for a 45 minute study period before spiritual exercises in the chapel at 6 am. I don't know what made me resolve to do this but I decided that I would spend the first 15~20 minutes of the day doing--what we used to call--"mental prayer" at that time. That is now popularly known as meditation. It is also called by other names: mindfulness practice, prayer, centering exercise, contemplation, etc.

Meditation -the key to improve ourselves

Meditation has become a popular practice nowadays, especially the kind that is detached from a spiritual goal, and for many good reasons For instance, a growing body of scientific research shows that meditation has massive benefits, both for the mind as well as the body. Of course, a long time before it became a secular trend, the great spiritual-wisdom traditions (the world religions) were already constantly teaching that meditation is necessary to acquire authentic wisdom and a deeper spirituality. 

I can personally attest to the truth of all that. I have practiced meditation since those days as a 13-year-old and I don't exaggerate when I say that this practice has kept me sane, grounded, happy, and peaceful all through my life!

I heard a meditation teacher relate that when he is asked by people how to improve their lives, he straightaway recommends that they begin a regular practice of meditation. Some would kind of make fun of that suggestion and react by saying, "C'mon, we don't have time for that. Give us something real, man!" And he would answer, "If you don't have time for 20 minutes of meditation a day, you probably need two hours!"

The point here is that a regular meditation practice is actually the key to "improving" yourself, not to mention helping you attain true health, peace, and happiness. Let me use language that is more understandable to younger people nowadays. Everyone knows that there is a sort of epidemic of mental health issues in our world today. Many people experience depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, despair, a pervasive negativity about life, lack of enthusiasm, even suicidal thoughts, and so on and so forth. 

"Brushing our Minds"

It is clear that a major cause of that is because it's so easy, especially in this present era characterized by an information explosion, to have our minds filled with all sorts of negativity or, in other words, (apart from the many benefits of our information age) we also get a lot of (pardon the language) cr*p from being connected 24/7 to the world wide web. Many of us never do any proper processing of what effect being always "connected" does to our minds and hearts.

 It is all the more urgent then today to be able to do something that is akin to "brushing our minds" (that from self-improvement teacher Brian Johnson) in order to maintain good mental health. Don't you think that image is so insightful? Just imagine: If you never brushed your teeth although you use them to chew food several times a day, they would be rotten in no time at all! Isn't it scary to realize that we actually do that to our minds?! Our minds are constantly bombarded by so much information today. If you don't "brush your mind" regularly, your mind will become rotten in no time at all (aka, be clogged by "mental health issues"). You just can't be this exposed to too much information without good maintenance of your mind. And that maintenance can be done mainly through meditation (or whatever you want to call this exercise). 

The Main Point

There are many ways to do or to begin meditation. I'll write about that next time. But just remember for now: Doing some form of meditation (or quiet prayer or mindfulness exercise, etc.) is something like "brushing your mind" --- you just do it regularly ... everyday, twice a day!

Related to that, the French philosopher Blaise Pascal said: "All of humanity’s problems come from one thing: not knowing how to sit quietly in a room" ... (and I would add) to do some "mental brushing" (or meditation).

(j’ai dit souvent que tout le malheur des hommes vient d’une seule chose, qui est de ne savoir pas demeurer en repos dans une chambre. -Pensées #139)

---